While he remained by my side and was supportive of most my needs, he never grieved with me. He was always so strong. Which I appreciated, but felt alone.
A few days ago, he was acting odd. Suspicious, I broke the major rule of trust in a loving relationship and snooped through his texts. I found texts between him and some girl from his past where he told her he was not really with me, that he had no feelings for me, we weren't sleeping together and he's planning on moving out. The texts were only for two days.
Betrayed and hurt, I confronted him. He's very smart, so if he wanted to hide it, he would have. He said he just needed someone to listen to him, that he wanted someone to build him up. And I know that it's plausible that he was just trying to garner her sympathy while making it seem like he was available so she would continue talking to him and he was already feeling guilty so why not do something that allows actual guilt?
My issue now, do I dare trust him again? Could he be lying to me, and not her? I love him, more so I'm IN love with him, so I want to think he made a stupid mistake because he was in pain. But is it possible I'm an idiot? Do I trust that he says he's done talking to her? Do I have a right to go through his phone again?
Thank you for your time.
GOODNESS! There’s a lot going on so I’ll take my time and give my opinion on this matter.
First off…I’m sorry for the loss. Pregnancy can be a difficult time for a woman and to loss a child after already being told you couldn’t have children would leave any woman an emotional wreck. Please know that many women have been in the same position as you, and there are support groups (online even!) that can help you through and after such a difficult period in your life.
Secondly…Yes you were wrong snooping through his phone and NO, I don’t think you have a right to go through his phone again. I have to admit, I recently did the same to a friend of mine (recent meaning the past year…) and once a couple loses that trust, it’s very hard to regain. Instead of snooping, let me suggest talking to him. Communication is always key. I know it sounds cliché but it really is the most important thing in a relationship.
Lastly…I think you should go with your heart, wherever that may lead you. If you chose to stay with him, be cautious. I am not a man so I can’t rationalize what men do BUT I have dealt with women and men who have experienced infant loss. A lot of the time, the man feels it’s his responsibility to stay strong for the woman but he is experience pain at the same damn time. He can’t (and won’t) expect you to be there for him so he might turn to someone else. What bothers me about this is his comments…specifically him planning to move out. In my mind I’m thinking “Is he saying what she wants to hear so he can stay at her house until he finds another place to go?” Think about it. Obviously you are asking because there is some doubt…I don’t think you’re an idiot but love will make you do some silly things. Is he lying to you? Is he lying to her? The only one who knows that for sure is him. Normally I'd suggest time apart but you live together. However, if you can take a few days apart to clear your heads, please do. Right now things are muddled, and bad decisions are made when we can't see clearly.
I believe in second chances but I also believe in putting yourself first. You have to look at the situation and decide what’s best for you. Everyone deserves to have happiness. Make sure you find yours.
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